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Friday, April 19, 2013

My Mawmaw

Today marks one week since my Mawmaw made her move from this world to the next.  At 90 years old, many of her friends and family had gone before her, so I know she enjoyed reuniting with them as much as she would have hated leaving those she did behind here.

I have never been in the room with someone as they left their life on earth until that moment last Friday.  I woke up at 4am, ready to go spend the day with my mom and mawmaw, not exactly knowing that day would be her very last.  As I laid in bed, trying to go back to sleep and thinking about her, Proverbs 31 kept coming to my mind.  I read it as I tried to go back to sleep.  Then I started texting my mom to ask how the night had been.  My mom had stayed by her bedside all the night, since my mawmaw had asked to not be alone in one of their last conversations.  She then had been unresponsive, yet my mom kept her promise and did not leave her alone from that time on.


If there was a heartache one could endure on earth, my Mawmaw saw it. As an adopted child in the 1920s/30s, she had a storybook bad experience with stepparents, both of whom ended up dying at different times.  The loss of not knowing her parents, knowing she was adopted, then being mistreated would be a heavy enough load for many. She married at 16, had three children, then endured one of a mother's most horrid nightmares by losing a child at the age of seven.  I know that she must be rejoicing and enjoying that reunion more than any other one possible! She also lost her husband as one family member said "in the prime of their lives." Truly, to lose your helper and love in your 40s must have been difficult! She never remarried, though good opportunity presented itself.  She faced, survived, and lived a long time after having colon cancer in her 80s! Alzheimer's set in during the last few years, and her health deteriorated, though she only lived in an assisted living home for the last two years...from February 2011-now.


In spite of all she endured during her long life, the only way you would know most of it, is if a family member shared.  She was definitely not one of those people to spill their troubles and woes upon your first meeting her.  She became the exact opposite kind of mother than the kind she had (from what I've heard), and well, especially to us grandchildren, she was really good at spoiling children! She cared so much for everyone and didn't want anyone to ever "go to any trouble" for her. She considered herself the least, so I know she is being rewarded in heaven for her humility and meekness, with treatment that only God's children will ever enjoy.


When the doctor did the last exam, then informed the family that her time would be coming soon. "Just a couple of hours," it was like a dream.  Her two daughters (my mom and aunt), and her son (my uncle), each took time to sit with her and say any final words and thoughts.  My mawmaw passed with my mom holding her hand and singing along to an old gospel song: "I Will Meet You in the Morning." It was peaceful, poetic, and sweet.

Before that, when they let me have a moment with her,  I rubbed her shoulder and got out my iPhone...and opened up the Bible app that I'd read that morning.  It was still open to Proverbs 31. My mawmaw read the Bible.  She read the Bible all the time...as evidenced by the worn out and falling apart Bible we displayed at her funeral.  I decided to read these words to her in our last sit down together on this earth. I don't know if she could hear me, but I did try to read them loud enough:


Proverbs 31


[b]A wife of noble character who can find?
    She is worth far more than rubies.
 
Her husband has full confidence in her
    and lacks nothing of value.
 
She brings him good, not harm,
    all the days of her life.
 
She selects wool and flax
    and works with eager hands.
 
She is like the merchant ships,
    bringing her food from afar.
 
She gets up while it is still night;
    she provides food for her family
    and portions for her female servants.
 
She considers a field and buys it;
    out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
 
She sets about her work vigorously;
    her arms are strong for her tasks.
 
She sees that her trading is profitable,
    and her lamp does not go out at night.
She opens her arms to the poor
    and extends her hands to the needy.
 
When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
    for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
 
She makes coverings for her bed;
    she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
She makes linen garments and sells them,
    and supplies the merchants with sashes.
 
She is clothed with strength and dignity;
    she can laugh at the days to come.
 
She speaks with wisdom,
    and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
 
She watches over the affairs of her household
    and does not eat the bread of idleness.
 
Her children arise and call her blessed;
    her husband also, and he praises her:
 
“Many women do noble things,
    but you surpass them all.”
 
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
    but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. 
Honor her for all that her hands have done,
    and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

I have done many studies of Proverbs 31, but for some reason many of them stop at the next to last verse.  So when I read this last Friday, the last verse really caught my eye.
We will certainly honor her for all she has done, and will make sure that she receives much praise at our city gates...when we sit with our family and children, they will hear us praise their grandmother for the wonderful woman that she was.  And as much as she wouldn't let us do for her or give to her on this earth, she now can't refuse the reward she had coming, she can't say no to Jesus! ha ha!

Tuesday, April 9, 2013

And so it goes.....

My chosen theme for 2013 was "simplify" and "minimize."

Wow.  Those are definitely some apt words.  We have pared down our *stuff* and will continue to do so, yet not quite in the way or for the reasons I had in mind.

I recently posted a facebook status that read: "All the chapters of a book are not the same length. And it's no accident when that happens.  It's meant to be."

An excellent author makes a plan before writing a novel. They know the goal, the resolution to the problem, they know how the main characters will handle the problems and ultimately triumph or succeed.  They know that when this horrible awful terrible thing happens to the main character or characters...that it will only last half of a chapter and then life will be amazing and all will be forgotten. 

We also know when all is looking great and perfect and everyone is happy around page 20, that well....there's way too much of the book left for *that* to last....wouldn't that be an incredibly boring book? Just happy stuff every day....it would be easy for readers and the author to become detached and impersonal just reading boring nothingness for page upon page upon page......

 I've read books where the characters are richly and deeply developed.  The mundane and day to day happenings in the characters lives are described.  The author really gets to know them by exploring the many ways the character would respond to different scenarios and the just life stuff that occurs. My heart would break for them as they experience heartache and sometimes I could even predict how they would respond to another person in the story or situation.  I've also read books where there was mostly story and not much getting to know the characters.  Those books don't get much empathy from me,  I have little interest in what happens to them.

When an author truly gets to know the characters.......when he can meticulously make all the little unnoticeable details come together, the result is a fascinating person.  A person that is alive and changes and completely lives out the plot, good or bad. It weaves together to create a beautiful piece of art that will then have the ability to affect others.  Those who notice, who pick up a read that piece of art will see the author's message speaking through the characters and through the intricate story that was no accident in the making.  Every scene change, every dialogue, every thought shared and insight given.  Each tragedy and joy, every mundane detail is essential in sharing a complete and finished piece of literature.

 And since I know the author of my book  "knows the plans He has for me, "plans to prosper me and not to harm me, plans to give me hope and a future." then I just have to live in constant faith that my book is not a tragedy. 


In spite of what someone told me once...that "another person's broken arm doesn't make my stubbed toe hurt any less,"...I have to maintain perspective and realize that when you finish reading something truly life changing. the sad and depressing chapters seem a lot shorter in hindsight and especially when compared to the amazing sum of life experiences.

It has been way too long since I posted and I know that's a cliche thing to say.  It just so happens that I finally got a new keyboard which I've hooked up to the laptop and I can type again! yay!  The final count on my old key board was 13 keys gone.  Q, F, V, B, N, M. <. both ctrl keys, and another one that was a window key or something.  I really got behind on lots of things without having my computer.  But it's okay, I've had plenty to keep me busy in the meantime.

Our family is in another time of transition.  We are eager to know what we are going to be doing next, but in the meantime we will....what else but keep busy?

The verse I was given last year comes to mind:

See, I set before you today life and prosperity, death and destruction. For I command you today to love the Lord your God, to walk in obedience to him, and to keep his commands, decrees and laws; then you will live and increase, and the Lord your God will bless you in the land you are entering to possess. Deut. 30:15-16 NIV

Doing our very best to live this out and praying for direction!




Wednesday, January 16, 2013

2013

I have no q,v,b ctrl, or up arrow. But, worst of all, I have no spacebar. Which makes typing extremely laborious and slooooow.

Ruby, Ruby, Ruby.

Life  with a toddler.

Things are going well so far with my goal of being intentional in 2013. I have gone to bed more often than not with a clean kitchen. And on most days I could open my  front door without embarrassment. ha.

The project of the month for January is to clean out and organize the sunroom...the place that all the immediately unneeded boxes went after we moved in. Corey got a lot done with that last weekend and hopefully we will get the rest done this weekend. It is already apparent that we will have to get rid of even more things in the process.

My hand is already killing me from stopping and straining to get that spacebar hit.

So....I'm done.

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Don't Go Away!!!!

You are reading the right blog!

I decided to change things up.  I can't even remember when I last changed the layout of my blog....it's been years for sure.

I checked and this is my 639th post (give or take a couple of unfinished or non posted posts).

Several things led me to revamp the blog.  The biggest one being that I feel that I am a completely different person from when I started blogging. My first post was in August 2007.  Over five years ago.  I was 26 years old. I had a 5 year old and a 3 three old.  We were getting in the groove of homeschooling. We had been married six years. Wow...we were babies! ha  ha!

  My life has had a makeover.  The past three years, especially, have refined and produced a stronger, more faith-filled, spirit led, and submissive individual.  When we began the journey to create a family of five, almost exactly three years ago, we had no idea what kind of journey we would be taking as a result of that decision.  And every step in our lives from that point on has urged us to a place of complete surrender. Surrender of our plans.  Surrender of our goals and means.

It is a wonderful place to be.  And it has taught me the meaning of time.  Time is fleeting.  As the mom of a ten year old, three years seems like one night's sleep.  As the mom of a very energetic 18 month old, every day feels a lifetime long.

There are things I want to do! Take the kids to hear an orchestra. Hike to a waterfall. Get a passport. Make homemade pasta!

So often the day, week, month, or year, goes by, and I realize that so many things I intended to do were never done.  Sometimes it's because it wasn't the right thing for me to do.  More often, it's because I never planned and actually took a step in order to actually get those things done.


I never intended to become a stay at home housewife.  My "plan" was to do the whole working thing, and "maybe"  adopt "one day." But....God had other plans and when the reality of leaving them every day to spend hours,days,weeks.... with a bunch of other kids sank in...well, my heart changed.
I felt freedom like no other as I loaded my classroom into my car during post planning that last year. It's the job I never knew I always wanted.  Being a mom is easy to fall in love with.  Being a housewife...eh..not so much.  For me anyway.  All the rest that comes with the package (housework, meal planning, housework, laundry, budgeting, organizing, did I mention housework?)  is hard for a scatter brained, unorganized, easily discouraged person like myself.

I want to embrace the role and see what happens when good intentions meet good planning!

We have a fresh start in our lives right now. It's the perfect time to develop better habits, try our hand at a simpler life, and hopefully become more intentional with every single day. To look back in a year and be able to not regret all the things we  never got around to doing, because the list of things we DID accomplish is so bright! :)

Now I know what it means to plan and things not turn out the way you want.  I've learned that lesson!  But,I am convinced that being intentional with your actions, the days and weeks that turn into years, with some standards and goals, is a totally different thing than having a "blueprint" for how your life is going to turn out.

Perhaps I can (un)intentionally turn into Donna Reed?  Someone who has it together and not just looking from the outside in.

Stranger things have happened!



Monday, December 10, 2012

Our Three Gift Christmas

Christmas this year is definitely going to be different!  Last year, (the year of the tornado) was the last year in that house, though we didn't know it at the time.  This year will be in a different, very cozy, new place, and some slight changes in the traditions.




We are still going to be doing our three gifts.  But, I came across a blog post earlier in the season that put a new spin on the three gifts.  I love the way she explained what they do.  We always had done three gifts in the "idea" of Jesus receiving three gifts, but now they will be based more on the meaning behind the actual gifts that Jesus received. 

The first gift will be a "gold," gift.  In other words, something that is worth a great deal to the recipient.  "Fit for a king."  This translates perfectly into our "something they want" gift from the past.  

The second gift will be a "frankincense" gift.  Frankincense was burned in the temple as part of worship.  This represents a spiritual gift, something to help them in their walk with the Lord.  This one will be the biggest change, from our usual "something for the family to enjoy together" idea of the past.  Honestly, I was struggling with ideas for this now that Ruby is around...there aren't very many things that we can ALL enjoy together, specifically as far as a physical gift to open goes.  We could have done the zoo, etc, but there are only so many ideas for that now.  So instead, we will replace this idea with the spiritual walk gift.  You can see some examples in the post I linked, but I won't give away what we chose for them until after Christmas. (Katie has been known to read my blog! ;)

The third gift is a "myrhh" gift.  Myrhh was used to anoint the body before burial.  Wonderful symbolism in the first Christmas.  But...not so much for kids, ha ha. However, it's EASY to get something for the body as a gift.  Our "something they need" gift almost always ended up being something for their body (clothes, etc) so that's the theme for the third gift now and replacing that particular gift idea we used in the past.

I love that our three gifts have even more symbolism now, in tying directly in with the three gifts from the Magi.  Oh, and last year we got new stockings for the family that are NORMALLY sized, so that will be new and different as well.  And a little more *under control* ha ha.

Looking forward to the new and old this year! Old traditions with a new spin.  The same family and love in a new home. Getting together with old friends with new stories and fun memories to make!

Friday, November 30, 2012

Tired!

It has been a VERY busy time around here.

I have never lived anywhere else while posting to this blog, yet here I sit. In a different bedroom, in a different house, in a different town.  Though we have changed our surroundings, we remain the same family.  Stronger because of the change that has occurred over the past few months.

8 years = the number of years we lived at our former house.

126 days: (18 weeks, less than five months) the amount of time between Corey's last job ending and the time we moved here, which was the final transition to our current stage of life.  I know it won't be permanent, because there are many things in the works for us.  But, what seemed like such a LONG period of time, really in some ways has flashed before our eyes.  God's timing has been so perfect.  We found a wonderful place, in a GREAT location, that is just right for us, right now.  Corey's job is going wonderfully, he has gotten fantastic reviews, lots of good feedback, and is really impressing them all around! And some opportunity for advancement will be coming his way very soon!  He has ROCKED at school-straight As so far, and getting closer every day to having his degree!  The kids have been wonderful....well, Ruby has not adjusted very well to sleeping in the new place, but oh well, it's always something with a toddler around.

We are settled and preparing to celebrate our first Christmas in this new place.  It's so cozy.  And I am loving the convenient location!  The appliances here work great (much better than our old ones!), and the kids have a playroom.  We look forward to using the sunroom as the weather gets warmer, and are really just amazed at what God has provided for us during this transitional period.  

We couldn't have made it through these past months without the love, support of our family.  I truly do not know what people do who don't have someone to turn to when times get tough.  We still have some settling in to do (getting into the groove of the new budget) and the next few months will be make it or break it, but I know we will make it.  I am thankful that I have a husband who works hard and who gives to and for his family.

Now, to end, I will leave some pictures of an impromptu photo session I did with the kids tonight.  Ruby is 18 months old now.  CRAZY.  Corey and I celebrate our thirteenth Christmas together this year.  My, how those years have flown!












Oh, and I am so tired that I forgot to address the title of the post.

Yeah....

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

A Maze

I've been trying to think of what our life is like right now.  An example, a way to explain things.  This is what came to mind.


If, it was a maze that you didn't know you were in until you'd gone down some dead end paths.
And, if it was a maze that you really weren't sure what would be waiting when you come out at the end.
AND, if it was a maze in which you had a guide Who waited right up until you got to the point where you HAD to make a choice, left or right, straight or back, before nudging you in the right direction. 
Don't you love guides like that? 
Of course not.  We want a guide that says, "okay, up ahead, in about 2 miles, you are going to turn right."
Or, like the GPS: "Take the exit right, then stay in the left lane."

Nope, this is the one that when you stop at a red light, they wait and wait and wait, and when the light turns green and you put your foot on the gas they THEN yell, "OH turn right!"

But, if it's someone you really trust, you are going to turn right. I mean, just because they didn't tell you 3 miles back doesn't mean that they don't know where you are going.  If you don't know how to get where you are going, or even KNOW where you are going, you really don't have a choice but to turn right.

Getting from point A to point B, when all you know is how to get to point A.  

We are in awe of God's timing.  When we arrive to the little points in between point A and B, we realize that if we hadn't gone down the dead end path, or if we'd known where we were going and therefore gotten there faster, then each little event wouldn't have happened at the right time.  It's being at the right place at the right time with the right people and under the right circumstances.  

Have you ever seen one of those cartoons where a baby is crawling around and all these calamities are following right behind them, or things happen at just the right time to keep them from falling off the roof of a building, or stopping the rock from falling on their head?  I also think of that.  If that baby had stepped one second sooner or later, disaster would have occurred.

God is so good!